it's all in the finishing... or is it?

I have a pile of 'Projects in Progress' (as opposed to UFO's - I don't really like that term). It seems to grow  more than it shrinks and cyclically overwhelms me. I go through this process of guilt and analysis, project plans with time lines and eventually discipline myself into not starting any new projects until I have cleared my pile of 'PP's'.

I was reflecting on my cyclic guilt process recently when I had a little light bulb moment. There's a lesson to be learned from my looming pile of 'PP's'.

In my world there are a number of task-driven people. They set their minds to a task and work toward it, focusing on achieving that end result, that end goal. They do their project plans, the delegate the tasks, they administrate the details, put their time line into action and land at their destination. With a background in theatre you'd think I'd be an effective task-driven person, wouldn't you?

I tried once, REALLY tried.

And I failed. 

REALLY failed.

I thank God over and over that we are not all robots, made the same (at least now that I am growing up!). I realise that I can't compare myself (fairly) to my task-driven friends, or my BO's (Born Organised). Without going into lots of boring detail, I had one of those 'guilt and analysis' processes back in my community theatre days, so I worked really hard at being a task-driven person. I told myself that I had to be Abel when I was being Cain. In a nut shell, I believed the lie that I had been telling myself and became focused on the end product. I morphed into a fraudulent task-driven person, driving my team to that perfect and flawless end product. My community theatre world began to come crashing down around me.

I learned a valuable lesson: I am not called to be task-driven. I was made from different parts to my task-driven friends.

The lightbulb of that lesson: I am a process person.

Some amazing community theatre was birthed out of that laborious lesson!

I am neither prepared nor able to make a judgement on the rights and wrongs, merits and lack thereof on task-driven vs process-driven perspectives. I know that each needs a little of the other else the task-driven people would never value the the people in the process or the lessons learned along the way; and the process-driven people would never finish anything!

So here is the lesson to be learned from my ever-looming pile of 'PP's': The process of creating, for me, is the purpose in creating. 

When I make a quilt for my Snuggle-Bug I am loving her and illustrating her life in stitches. 

When I make some wall-art for my Sonshine I am loving him and honoring his personality and opinions. 

When I am altering and creating a book I am journalling my story, my journey. 

And so on.

Creativity, for me, is the illustration of my learning and growing, my challenges, my acceptance and the expression and illustration of my love.

My conclusion: it's all in the process. So now, when that cycle of guilt comes around I remind myself that the journey in creating is the point of creating, that I love the process and love through the process. I choose not to let guilt drive me towards a fraudulent and mediocre finish but to value the journey, the process, the lessons, and most of all: the people.